Anyone who knows me knows what a huge advocate I am for mental health and therapy. I have battled with anxiety since I was very young and know how much someone can suffer from it.
If there was one thing I could change about my mental health journey, it would be to have started therapy sooner than I did.
You can give an eye roll, click the back button to the home page, or off my site altogether. The stigma around therapy is awful and I also know the downsides and hesitations of attending therapy.
so, why therapy?
Like everything, therapy can have its ups and it’s down. Especially if you’ve had a bad experience or have yet to find a therapist you click with.
I started therapy after getting diagnosed with Myotonic Dystrophy because I needed someone to talk to and unload medical stress and anxiety. My first therapist started out as a good fit and the first couple sessions were beneficial but as the sessions went on, I felt like I wasn’t forming a connection, and she was telling me the same things over and over. Because I didn’t even know where to look for another therapist I stuck with this therapist for about a year and a half.
As this point, I didn’t know what sessions were supposed to look like or how therapy really even worked. I felt like I always needed to have a problem to work through or discuss to really be worth my therapist’s time.
I ended sessions with this therapist, and I felt pretty guilty about it for a few weeks. I didn’t start looking for a therapist right away either. I foolishly thought I was healed of anxiety and didn’t need therapy anymore. I was in a good season of life where my anxiety hadn’t spiked in a while. Little did I know you need therapy just as much in the good times, as you do in the bad times.
My anxiety came back with vengeance, and I decided to start up the search for a therapist again. A member of our church was actually a therapist who specialized in anxiety. I also really wanted a therapist who was Catholic, so this was a win win for me.
I only had two sessions with this therapist. The sessions felt really awkward, and I was getting absolutely nothing from our sessions. I also felt like every time I mentioned my disease my therapist wasn’t really sure how to respond.
I was really frustrated and losing hope. I hadn’t even been searching that long but it seemed like people online were getting way more out of therapy than I was. It also seemed like their therapists were way different than the therapists I was seeing.
After a couple of failed consultations with potential therapists, I did throw in the towel when I came across a post by a Christian influencer about therapy. She had posted a website where Christians could find a likeminded therapist who shared their beliefs and values.
I decided to give it one last shot because this seemed like an opportunity I couldn’t pass up. I knew that if I was supposed to find a therapist on here, then I would.
I did find a therapist on there and therapy with her was a one eighty from my past sessions with prior therapists. Here are some key points I have noticed when having a therapist that is a good fit v.s. staying with a therapist who is not.
I don’t always have to have a problem or crisis going on in my life. This was a huge misconception I bought into when first starting therapy. I was also a huge people pleaser when I began my therapy journey and truly believed I was wasting my therapists time sometimes. You are not wasting your therapist’s time, and you don’t need a problem every session. I firmly believe that therapists are both cheerleaders, a listening ear, and a counselor all in one and they know that sometimes we just need someone who will listen.
Talking about my disease and medical stuff isn’t making my therapist uncomfortable. Having an illness at such a young age brings on lots of stress and anxiety and sometimes you need to unload the baggage to someone. I’m no stranger to people being uncomfortable with me talking about illness but I thought I would never find a therapist who didn’t seem to mind me talking about illness. My therapist has never ever made me feel weird, uncomfortable, or treated me any different than she ever has. Therapists are people too, and sometimes certain things might make them uncomfortable, which is why it’s important to say what you’re looking to talk about up front when in a consultation.
I won’t find a therapist who shares my beliefs and values. I was really starting to think this, even though one of my therapists was Catholic. With my former therapist, Catholicism was not implemented in our sessions even though I asked for it to be. It’s crazy what a huge difference faith makes in the session. My therapist and I pray before sessions, and she implements scripture when we talk about certain things.
Therapy in the good and the bad. Like I said above, therapy is just as important in the good times as it is in the bad times. It’s very important to me now that I see my therapist every week no matter if I’m having a really good week or if I’m having a really bad week. Sometimes, we have sessions where my anxiety has been laying low so we talk about other things but maybe next week my anxiety will have spiked for some reason. It makes our search easier to retrace my steps to see if there were any triggers that need to be addressed.
It’s not always about you and by this, I mean that you might get called out by your therapist but in my opinion, isn’t that why we go to therapy? A good therapist isn’t always going to affirm you and agree with everything you bring up in therapy. If something is toxic or met with a different perspective by your therapist, wouldn’t you want them to tell you instead of siding with you when it could potentially cause more harm than good?
Therapy may not be easy at first, but then again I don’t think anything good in life is. Make the healthy decision for your heart and mind and start the journey of finding a therapist, you can thank me later.